Social Health...from the Heart #3

By Barb Young 

As a home-based assisted living provider for seniors for many years, I often witnessed firsthand the  importance of social connections in enhancing quality of life, fostering happiness, and promoting overall  health. While not trying to minimize the importance of providing meals, housekeeping, transportation,  and other daily living support services, I believe my tenants benefited the most from a sense of  belonging and regular companionship. They needed someone to talk to, laugh with, and share their  feelings and opinions with—someone who could offer support during both joyful and challenging times. 

In this segment, I want to share another story with you.  

Cliff was our longest-standing tenant, staying with us for thirteen years. Throughout that time, we grew  to care for him deeply and appreciated his unique personality and sense of humor. I recall a story my  husband shared about a drive they took together. Passing a hotel that Cliff used to visit frequently, my  husband jokingly said, “I hope you didn’t have more than one drink when you went there.” Cliff  responded, “A bird can’t fly with one wing, can it?” 

He used to watch The Bloomberg Channel, not because he liked keeping on top of his investments—he  didn’t have any—but because he enjoyed listening to them use “all those big words.” 

Cliff wasn't one to express his feelings, and when Harold, his only sibling, passed away, he struggled. I  also found it challenging, unsure of how to best support him during this difficult time. After thoughtful  consideration, I settled into the recliner next to his bed, pen and paper in hand, and made him an offer. 

“Cliff, I know it bothered you that some people called Harold ‘Pepsi Cola Pete.’ How would you feel about  sharing your memories of Harold and your life on the farm? I can take notes and do my best to write a  story so that more people can understand who Harold truly was.” While I couldn’t promise anything, I  suggested we send the story to the local newspaper to see if they would publish it. 

Cliff liked the idea. For the next couple of hours, I listened and asked questions as he reminisced about  life on the farm. He shared a beautiful story! I felt incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to hear it,  and it inspired me to impress Cliff with the results of my story-writing efforts. 

As I often did (and still do) when I needed to write something important, I got up in the middle of the  night when my mind felt most alert. For the next few hours, I focused on Harold's story, inspired by the  vivid details that Cliff had shared with me. In the morning, I returned to Cliff’s suite to get his final  approval before submitting it to the local paper. As I read the story aloud, I witnessed something I had  never seen before—Cliff cried. “That’s really nice,” he said, giving me the go-ahead to send it in. 

Please see the separate blog, “Remembering Harold Flanagan”, if you’d like to read Harold’s story that  was printed in the local paper. 

It might interest you to know that Kasley Killam, a Harvard-based social scientist and one of the leading  voices for the advancement of social health, has identified four different social styles that people  generally fall under: butterfly, wallflower, firefly, and evergreen.  

According to Killam, butterflies thrive on interaction and are perfectly content with casual exchanges.  Wallflowers share similarities with butterflies but tend to be shyer and prefer less frequent interactions. 

Fireflies, on the other hand, value deep connections but also appreciate solitude, while evergreens enjoy  frequent deep interactions.  

While I am a firefly, Harold was undoubtedly a butterfly—a butterfly with a unique and beautiful soul. If  you’re interested in learning more about social health and what social style you might fall under,  consider picking up a copy of Kalsey’s book, The Art and Science of Connection. You won’t be  disappointed.